Our Weekly Meeting Will Change Your Life.

Building a life with your spouse is fun, amazing, and beautiful, but it can also be stressful, chaotic, and frustrating.

There are so many moving parts to make your house flow easily and sometimes, those little details can be the things that trip you up.

Let me put it this way, how many times have you had a fight about what's for dinner? How many times have you disagreements or miscommunications because you forgot about an event or somehow, you double-booked?

It can be so frustrating, right?!

I'll be the first to say that I didn't realize how daunting dinner time could be. Especially when you both work and have kids. It's the end of the day, you've been scattered and pulled in a million different directions and then BOOM. It's 5:30-6pm and you're staring at the fridge, doors open, wondering what the heck we're gonna make. Don't be fooled, I write about this so eloquently because I, too, have stood in front of an open fridge begging for a meal.

What if I told you there's a way to enhance your relationship AND decrease the amount of small disagreements you and your spouse have on a weekly basis?

It's called a weekly meeting and it will change your life.

Our weekly meetings have become an important part of the foundation of our life together and we definitely see a difference in our life if we skip a week. But we didn’t always do this. We're eight years into our marriage and our weekly meeting just became a routine thing within the last two years. We started it casually, but as we started to see the fruits from it, it quickly became a non-negotiable part of our week.

So what the heck is a weekly meeting?

Every Sunday, after the kids go to bed, we make hot tea, + sit down to plan out the week ahead.

We talk about:

-finances

-the weather (to plan for activities/picnics/workouts, etc.)

-a meal plan

-weekly events

-chores that need to be done

-how we can serve others

-how we can have fun

This really opens the doors for our communication so we can make sure that we are on the same page as we go into the week ahead. With two kids, sometimes it’s hard to have in-depth conversations with your spouse, but the weekly meeting gives us that opportunity to check in with one another, check in on our finances, and see what we need to do to have a smooth transition to a new week.

Having a weekly meeting takes away the opportunity for the argument of “I didn’t know we had _____ planned” or “what are we going to do for dinner?” We've already talked about these things ahead of time so there aren't any big surprises in our weekly events- which honestly keeps our miscommunications or disagreements at a minimum.

This has radically changed the functionality of our home and it only takes about 45 minutes. When we first started, it took longer as we figured out what we needed or wanted to cover in our meeting. Now that we've been doing it for awhile, it makes it easier to cover a lot of ground in a short amount of time.

In a world where finances and constant miscommunication are the root problems for most marriages, we’re choosing to find a routine and rhythm to keep our marriage stronger than ever.

It’s super easy to get started! Here's what you do:

1) Pick a night that works for the both of you. We like to do Sundays because it's the start of our week. If another time works better for you, do it! Be structured, yet flexible with this. Obviously, you want to start a routine, but if something comes up or you're too tired, etc. move it to the next day or bump it up to the afternoon (during nap time) if that works better. Bottom line: set a time and stick to it!

2) Put your phones away. Give each other the respect of your full attention so that you can really make this a beneficial thing for your marriage. Now, I'll be honest in saying that we use our phones at the very beginning of the meeting to check our online combined calendar and to look at the weather for the week. After that, they're set aside for the rest of the meeting.

3) What do you want to talk about? Establish your points of conversation for the meeting. What are some of the hot topics that cause friction in your day to day life? Is it meal planning or figuring out who will pick up the kids? Or maybe it's the constant unknown of who has a meeting or appointment on what day?

Whatever causes friction in your daily life is a topic that you should be covering in your weekly meeting. When we sit down to plan out our week, we are tackling the meal plan together so that it doesn't all fall on one person and we're both able to have a say in what we'd like to eat for the week. We're talking about who will have the kids on what day so the other person can do work or have dinner with a friend. We're talking about weekend plans and how we can have fun tougher as a family and we're talking about how we're able to serve other people in our community. Did someone just have a baby? Let's send them dinner. Is a friend having a particularly hard week? Take them a coffee, etc.

I know this may seem monotonous, but BELIEVE ME- it works. When you sit down to iron out the little details at the start of the week, it takes away the opportunity for friction or disagreements during the week. You're not left wondering what's for dinner, who has the kids, or double booking a meeting.

4) WRITE IT DOWN! Some couples operate off a combined calendar through an app on their phone and some couples operate off a pen and paper calendar that hangs somewhere in the house. We're a little bit of both and I want to encourage you to find the rhythm that works for YOU.

I'll admit that it is really nice to have an electronic calendar that I can easily access if I'm out and about and need a reminder for something, but I am also very much married to the idea of being a written calendar type of person. Not only does it help me to remember what we talk about, but it's also something that I see every single day.

For the paper calendar, we use the Home Planner from The Passionate Penny Pincher and you can find that here. This home planner is such an amazing resource for us because it takes the big daunting tasks of the home and breaks them down into tangible, digestible bits. Each day asks that you focus on one specific part of the house, record how much money you spent, write what's for dinner, etc. It's a plethora of information and really guides you to have a better, easier plan for managing your home. We leave it out on our kitchen counter where we can access it all throughout the day and so we don't forget to check off the chores or tasks for the day.

As for the digital combined calendar app, we use TimeTree and I also recommend this! It's helpful to have on hand or to put in things that are far out on the calendar like important appointments, trips, meetings, etc. You can have a family calendar and a separate work calendar, but whether you choose to integrate those together is up to you.

5) Make it accessible! Whether it's through an electronic version of a combined calendar on your phone or written down on a physical calendar that hangs in your home, make it available to everyone involved. This gives meaning to your meeting. It's not just a fleeting conversation that happens once and is forgotten shortly after. It's something that can be accessed at any given point whenever a family member has a question about what's for dinner or needs a reminder for the daily plan.

6) Remember that plans change! Just because you write it down or log it in the calendar doesn't mean that it can't change. These weekly meetings are NOT solidifying your week and making it so that you can't have a change of plans. It's an outline of the things you already know about and opens the floor for a conversation. You're welcome to change things if you find that it's not working for you. Think about those nights when you look at the meal plan and don't want what's been previously chosen, MIX IT UP. Pick a meal from another night and swap it out. Think about when plans change because something unexpected comes up. Mark through the activity or write it in!

THIS IS NOT PERMANENT! It's a starting place. It's a guideline. It's a rough draft.

Weekly meetings are not meant to cause more friction, they're meant to prevent friction. If you find that your weekly meeting is causing more harm than good, I encourage you to take a step back and analyze what you're doing. What about it isn't working? Is everyone on board with the idea or are some people feeling forced to show up and sit through it? Is everyone contributing? Is everyone using it or remembering to look at it through out the week?

Figure out what's not working and try to make changes where they're needed. If this doesn't work for you, THAT'S OKAY. You don't have to agree with it and you don't have to do it if this doesn't align with your family or work for you.

That's the beauty of it- it's an idea. It's something that can spark a whole new system that your family prefers and that may work better for you! I encourage you to get creative because at the end of the day, I want to see you succeed. And if this isn't success for you, then drop it like a bad habit and move on.

If you do this and you love it, I'd love to hear from you. Head to my contact page and send me a message telling me what you did and how it worked for you!

I'm sending you a million hugs as you embark on this new adventure! I see you making an effort and doing the hard things to better your family. You can do this!

SB