Realistic Boundaries for Toddlers and TV

If talking about TV time for your toddler makes you cringe or have sweaty palms, I want you to take a big deep breath and know that this is a safe place!

Why? Because I'm not here to shame or judge you for your TV time habits with your kids- there's enough of that in the world and I refuse to add to the noise. I'm also not here to tell you to take away TV time for good because there are "better things to do." TV time can be a really fun and engaging experience for your family, it all just depends on your thought process around it.

I know it's hard to find that balance between what's "enough" and "too much" so I'm here to give you a perspective shift on how we can incorporate healthy TV boundaries for our toddlers.

First, let me give you a backstory on our family. We have two boys (4 and 2) and we've been trying to establish a healthy boundary with TV basically since the day we became parents. If I'm being completely honest with you- I was a real stickler in the beginning and my kids relationship with TV brought up a lot of unsettled things for me. Over the years, I've had a lot of "a-ha moments" and now we're finally at a really great place with how we handle TV time in our house.

If TV time seems like a constant struggle and just doesn't feel "worth it" because your kids turn into a completely different person after watching a show, I want to encourage you to not throw in the towel just yet, but to rather reframe your mindset on TV and instead work to implement some realistic boundaries.

Here are some realistic boundaries that we have set in place and utilize every single day. We've tried a LOT of different types of boundaries with our kids, but the ones I'm choosing to share with you now are the ones we use because they've worked. So let's dive in!

Boundary One: Less Convenient and More Intentional

Yes, we are the "crazy" family that doesn't have a TV in their living room. We took our TV out of our living room about three years ago and we haven't missed it since. Now to be fair, we didn't completely get rid of our TV, we just made it more inconvenient to use.

We have three total TVs in our house. One on our screened-in porch, one in our bedroom, and one that we keep upstairs in the guest room closet. Each TV serves a different purpose and are all somewhat inconvenient to use. The TV on the porch has a weather protection cover and the remotes are put away in a cabinet in the house so they won't be ruined or lost. The smaller TV that is stored in our guest room closet is used for family movie nights. About once a week, we bring it down and set it up in the living room. In order to set up the TV for movie night, we have to move a plant, our record player, and a diffuser. The TV in our room is somewhat more convenient to use than the others, but we don't spend a lot of our time during the day in our room so it's kind of out of sight, out of mind.

The goal in taking our TV out of the living room wasn't to take it out of our lives, but to rather make our habit of watching TV less convenient and more intentional. We spend a lot of our time in our living room and we don't want the focus of our family time or even time with our guests to be spent looking at TV. In our personal experience, we've just always gravitated towards something else and TV was never really our main form of entertainment. We'd rather play a game, build a puzzle, read a book, go for a walk, or talk with friends/family.

Obviously, this isn't the most convenient option and that's the whole point. We want it to be an inconvenience so that turning on the TV is not an all the time, auto-pilot decision to fill time or zone out. When you replace convenience with intentionality, everything changes. When our kids see us carrying the TV down the stairs, they know it's family movie night and we all get really excited.

Now, that's not to say that we never have TV time because we most certainly do- we're just very intentional about it. What does that look like in real life? We'll discuss this next in boundary number two.

Boundary Two: Create Consistency and Rhythms

Creating consistency and rhythms with our TV time has been one of the most helpful things we've done to create a healthy relationship with TV.

We used to have sporatic TV times and it was messy. Sometimes, we would let the kids watch TV in the mornings and sometimes we wouldn't. Sometimes they got to watch one episode of a show and sometimes it was a full blown movie after lunch. There was no consistency and we were just floating on and off of how we felt that day. In the mind of a toddler, this is chaos. There is no predictability and they don't like that. Toddlers enjoy having a frame of reference and some sort of structure.

So we decided to set some boundaries in place so that they had a good handle on when they'd be allowed to have TV time.

Here's what that looks like:

• Same place, same time. Our kids know that their daily show happens with the TV in our bedroom and it only happens mid-late afternoon after they've had a nap. We do not allow TV time in the morning, but this doesn't mean they don't ask. There are days where they wake up asking to watch TV and we respond with the same thing, "we don't watch TV in the mornings, but you will have TV time this afternoon after your nap." This gives them something to look forward to because it's not a "no" it's just a "not yet."

• Short and Simple. Daily TV time means that they get to watch 1-3 episodes of a show. We usually tell them in advance how many they'll be able to watch, but if they are really invested in the story line and are asking for one more- we will usually agree (especially if we're not on a time crunch).

• Family Feature. Every weekend we have family movie night! Again, this gives them something to look forward to and we have a toddler-friendly calendar so they are able to anticipate when the family movie night will be.

• Look Before You Watch. We have a set of pre-approved shows that we allow them to watch. This helps limit the time of searching for something or gambling on whether or not a show will align with our family values. We'll talk about this more in boundary number three.

• You're In Charge. We've given our four year old a special job of turning off the TV when it's time to be done. We hand him the remote before the episode even starts and we say, "we are watching one episode and it's your job to turn this off when it's over." It's taken consistency and a lot of practice, but now we're at a good place where he can follow through with this task.

  
  

We've had these routines and rhythms set in place for a few months now and they've been super helpful in making sure our kiddos understand our boundaries around TV.

Boundary Three: Pre-Approved Shows

We have a set of pre-approved shows that we allow our kids to watch. Our reasoning behind this is simple: we want to make sure that the content our kids are consuming is age appropriate and aligns with our family values.

Here's a list of approved shows that we love and where you can find them:

• If You Give a Mouse a Cookie- Amazon Video

• Bear in the Big Blue House- Disney Plus

• Adventures of Winnie the Pooh- Disney Plus

• Out of the Box- Disney Plus

• Gullah Gullah Island- Paramount Plus

• Little Bear- Paramount Plus

• Mister Rodgers Neighborhood- Pluto TV (free)

• Trash Truck- Netflix

We love to ask our kids what they want to watch and even then, it can be hard for them to remember all of the shows they love. So instead of scrolling on the TV and having to tell them "no" or "not right now" to a show we haven't seen or approved, I created a "TV Menu" to help them easily pick a show.

I put all of their current favorite shows on a little handout and laminated it. Now, when it's time to ask them what they want to watch, I hand them their menu and they point to the show the want. This has been a helpful tool to help keep our boundary in a fun way.

This is what our "TV Menu" looks like and if you'd like to download a copy to use in your home, you can find it below!

Since their daily shows are watched in our bedroom, my husband and I keep a "TV Menu" in the drawer of our nightstand. This idea has been really exciting for the kids and now whenever they get to watch a show, they run into our room and grab their menus themselves. It's really sweet and has made the transition for TV really exciting.

Boundary Four: Let's Watch Together

Our fourth and final boundary is that we focus on watching the kid's shows WITH them whenever we can. This is our most recent boundary that we've set in place and I'll be the first to admit that we were very guilty of setting our kids up with the TV so we could go cook or fold the laundry or do something in another room.

But recently, we've been trying to be really intentional to set aside time so that we can watch the show with our kids instead of getting them set up and then leaving the room. Now, of course, I'm going to be honest and tell you that we still do this on occasion. I think it's unfair and unrealistic to allow TV time and assume that all of that TV time will be spent with you sitting by their side. Again- it's all about balance. I'd say we've got this to a solid 70/30. 70% of the time time we are sitting with them, engaging and watching the show. 30% of the time, something else is requesting/demanding our attention (like cooking dinner) and that's okay.

What does the 70% look like in real life?

• I'm folding laundry in the room while we watch the show.

• My phone is put aside and we are all sitting and watching the show together.

• We all get up and dance to the songs that come up on the show (this happens a lot in Gullah Gullah Island).

• I'm checking email, etc. on my phone quickly and then coming back to the show.

• I'm on the floor playing with the dog while we watch the show.

What does the 30% look like in real life?

• I'm cooking dinner in the kitchen and they're in my room watching their show. I'm popping in to check on them every now and then.

• Alex and I are in the kitchen working on dinner and unloading the dishwasher while they are watching their show. We're catching up on our day and enjoying conversation before dinner so this requires less intervention and we allow independent TV time.

• I have a pressing work task that needs my attention so I'm in the living room while they have independent TV time.

What I've tried to illustrate and display here is that we really focus on maintaining a balance. It feels so much more intense and stressful when we veer too far to one side of the spectrum rather than setting and sticking to boundaries.

My hope is that you leave this post feeling encouraged when it comes to TV time with your toddlers. There is a way to create healthy boundaries to create a flow that makes it an enjoyable experience for everyone.

Moving forward from this post, my advice would be to slowly implement one boundary at a time and give them time to adjust to that boundary. If you try to overhaul your entire TV experience in one day, it may cause more stress or fuss. Not to say that it can't be done- it most certainly can and who knows, your kids may surprise you and totally rock it! Bottom line: try to do what feels best and less stressful for you. If you feel like it's easier to do it one a time- do it. If it's easier to do it all at once- go for it!

If you have any questions, I'm here for ya! Don't hesitate to reach out and if you start incorporating any of these boundaries and want to share about it on social media, be sure to tag me because I'd love to see!

Okay, now it's your turn! Go shine your light in parenting!

SB

DOWNLOAD YOUR TV MENU HERE

TV MENU-2.pdf

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